thank goodness, for a moment all was lost. i am feeling new things with tom. obviously fear, neglect, lust, fear. since i punched him i have been petrified. of my self. it is all new now, it is all new from here. it is all new post rebirth. since i haven't the faintest what i could do, i haven' t the faintest what i am like.
we are still going to the island. i am petrified of that also. i was mopey today, i said take me to bed tom. i was crying. i said i want to feel close to you tom. he said it was the wrong reason, but i didnt think so. i took off all my clothes, and then he yelled at me. i started; mortified. quickly i scooped up my clothes and ran to the bathroom. he knocked, can you let me in. go away i said. he wouldnt let me leave. he's strange how he does that, snaps, and then quite literally fills with remorse. i suppose it means he has a temper too. at least we are both wild fires. it helps i suppose, wild fires, and tired, true of heart as dave eggers might say.