abstinence

the word of the week is abstinence. it's difficult. keeping clear of loved ones, lovers, luxuries, and lunacy, hopefully. after a long hike yesterday i came home to two-fruits for dinner, alain de botton for the bedtime lullaby, four extra pillows for comfort. in the name of what? weakness to be sure. kicking the habit of necessity.
after all is said and done however, the morning after goes thus: naughty french toast with butterscotch sauce. alone in the home for some hours before some pigeon wees on my shoulder, payback for the toast i think. i don't know what i ever did.
tom is tetchy/taut/transparent. all i hope for is to end up like alice, miraculously cured somehow of the need to devote. miraculously cured somehow of the lovesickness.
i'll begin the collectathon, little vials of sperm, little vials of insect. it'll prove worthy somehow.
let it all be as it should. for no longer i long for the unlikely. i haven't the strength for it any longer.

val's day

valentines day. i gave to my love (tom) a blue stegosaurus and a magnet(boy and girl riding big hare). i put this collar on dinosaur reading 'be my valentine?', the purpose of its brevity no less to inspire ease than to feign my own easy nonchalance. tom's gift was traditional, flowers in melbourne, flowers in brisbane, cheeky black nighties, his card read 'my dearest, come home soon, miss you'. he didn say love you, as expected etc, as promised, he didnt say it. he said other beauties, but the absence of the declaration ultimate is exacerbated isnt it, on this putrid awkward day.
we made love (fucked to be sure) i cant come easily these days because i'm absolutely dying of thirst, and i can hardly walk to fetch a drink.

regardless, valentines day aside (the fucker), i am renewed, spritely and saucy as it were, i'm starving too. its all starvation in a way isn't it.