i've realized that i can't possibly believe any declaration of love unless it is unceasing, tireless. i've realized that it is like rote learning. repeating lines over and over until they cannot be forgot.
my martian is cross with me. i am cross with my martian. i love her. and yet she doesn't permit me to behave thus. when i punched tom, i was desperate for someone to love me enough, to say 'that was naughty' and so i thought, i should love my martian enough, to say, what you're doing is naughty'. she didnt think so.
i don't know what is enough really, it never is enough, and then it is too much.