Saturday, May 16, 2009

broke my camel's back

so i did it. i snapped. tom was too foreign, and i couldn't bare it, i hit him quite roughly, slapped him across the face quite hard, fell to the floor, kicking his legs. afterwards i couldn't believe it, had begged his forgiveness, i'm so terribly sorry, oh your face, your beautiful face, what happened i lost my mind... that sort of thing.

now he has gone, presumably to get dinner, but it has been a long time. perhaps he's doing a runner. but i'm in his home, so it seems unlikely. 

if i could only get better. if i could only try to trust myself, i'm desperately afraid of my memory. 

i finally did it, broke my camel's back. and i have never been so ashamed. 

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